Stephen Hawking Warns About The Dangers Of Alien Contact

Stephen Hawking, that famous ultranerd/astrophysicist, expressed a novel concept recently on the Discovery Channel.

Earthlings should avoid alien contact at all costs because in all likelihood the aliens would only attack, raid our planet's resources, and depart.

Uh, thanks, Steve, but we already knew that. We've seen the movie.

But what are the odds of an actual alien race existing somewhere out there?

According to his modestly self-proclaimed "mathematical brain", the odds are quite high.

Again, we already knew that. Anyone who lives in New York City or Los Angeles has experienced several different alien invasions within the past few decades (and the rest of us, in turn, watched it all unfold on the big screen).

So how is this big news? Why did the Discovery Channel ask Stephen Hawking to expound on this when they could have just asked a film director from Hollywood and gotten the same response?

Besides, the Discovery Channel should be more than aware that we face a more immediate danger than resource-depleting aliens -- how about gun-wielding, bomb-wearing, overpopulation-crazed envirokids who go homocidal when they see an episode of "Kate"?

However, based on Hawking's shattering announcement, it might be a good idea not to let your kid bring home an M&M-munching, bug-eyed alien if he finds one. Just shoot it and burn the corpse.