Bill Cosby . . . And Life After Death

It seems celebrities have the power to rise from the dead.

Repeatedly.

The internet has just recently exploded with frenzied announcements that comedy legend Bill Cosby has died.

For the second time this year.

Google searches are blazing with search phrases such as “Bill Cosby dead” (and its variations). “Bill Cosby died” is the number one trend on Twitter.

The Twitter-savvy Bill Cosby freaked out internet gossip-hounds by Tweeting from the grave -- or so they thought -- to “rebuttal” the rumor.

Never mind about proper word usage. Bill is back. And he’s going to interview with Larry King to prove it.

Bill Cosby isn’t the first celebrity to suffer untimely death at the hands of internet hoaxers.

Think of some annoying celebs, just off the top of your head.

Tom Cruise . . . Of course.

Miley Cyrus . . . She never ceases to bug people.

And of course, the currently prevalent teen sensation, Justin Bieber.

That’s just to start the list.

All these people are faces and voices you encounter practically every day -- on the screen, on tabloid covers, on the radio, online . . . EVERYWHERE!

Aren’t you sick of it already? Me too.

And, I’m guessing, so are several internet rumor-starters/hoaxers.

Cruise, Cyrus, and Bieber have all died multiple times thanks to the ever-accurate announcements of forums, Twitter, Facebook, and blogs, only to rise from the grave to assure people that they had never died in the first place.

Darn it!

Just when we begin to entertain hopes that the rumor might be true, they’re dashed to the earth.

But today was a good day. We would have genuinely missed Bill Cosby.

Let’s just hope we don’t see any Tweets from Michael Jackson.

Like A Surgeon (General)

Rumor has it, after a recent photo of Madonna holding a cigarette, that the pop/rock/sex icon has resumed the habit.

Madonna denies it.

Speculation abounds: Is she lying? Is she hiding a filthy, unhealthy habit from the world?

Or is she telling the truth? Her publicist has said the photo in question was simply a promo for an upcoming film in which Madonna is to appear, and that the death stick was nothing more than a prop.

These are the things journalists are scrambling to cover. The answer to such mysteries is what keeps the paparazzi snapping away. The search for the truth is what motivates readers of magazines and online gossip columns to get up in the morning.

Make your own breakfast, kids -- I'm trying to find out if Madonna is smoking.

Americans don't have enough going on in their own lives to fret about and keep them awake at night.

They need to track the health habits of celebrities.

I mean, if Madonna dies of lung cancer, what will become of us all?

This is serious stuff.

Now here's the really disturbing part, the point that makes me question my own humanity: I DON'T CARE.

What's wrong with me? Why don't I discuss this with my wife while we sort bills? Why don't I stare out the window and speculate over Madonna and cigarettes? Why don't I regularly Google "Madonna" and "smoking" in hopes of finding the most recent develpoment on the issue?

Am I emotionally dead? Am I in some sort of apathetic state that makes me indifferent to things that apparently matter to the rest of the world? Why is it that I rate world events, philosophical beliefs, and the contents of my refrigerator as more pressing and relevant to my life than a celebrity's decision to resume smoking (or not)?

Maybe I should start examining these things in more detail.

Perhaps the actions of the stars do hold influence over my life after all.

But until I find this to be true, I'll resume plucking my nosehairs and trying to raise my family wiith solid values.

I know. I'm a backwards Philistine.