The Looker Vs. The Banking Giant

Sometimes women get hired for their looks.

Debrahlee Lorenzana was fired for hers.

At Citibank’s Chrysler Building, Lorenzana found that, though she dressed and behaved professionally, her good looks made her coworkers and bosses uncomfortable.

In 2008, they canned her.

Now she’s suing them for discrimination.

Citibank insists that the lawsuit is “without merit” but out of respect for their employees’ privacy declined to “comment more specifically on this litigation, this former employee's overall performance, or the reasons for her termination.”

Now, I’m trying to be objective here.

Maybe she was fired for legitimate reasons, whatever they might have been, and she’s using this to get a little center stage time.

Or maybe Citibank is guilty of discrimination, and they indeed fired her for being hot. Their comments (or lack thereof) don’t exactly make for a good image, though.

Either way, Lorenzana is lapping up the attention. Whenever the camera is pointed her way, she poses -- hip out, hair over one eye, lips slightly parted in a sultry pout. Her picture has turned up everywhere, comparatively speaking, since the lawsuit hit the headlines.

And we can't forget the fact that she went through liposuction and two breast enhancement surgeries prior to this whole incident, so it's obvious she's been trying for quite some time to look as attractive as she possibly can. After all, she admitted in a documentary about breast surgery that she's on the hunt for a man. "I know men have the fantasy of having a Playboy playmate. That's what I want to be. T**s on a stick."

So is she enjoying this media attention?

Yessir yabetcha!

“I’m no Angelina Jolie,” she insists, and I agree. Angelina Jolie looks like an anorexic mummy with balloon lips. Lorenzana has it all (albeit artificially), and she knows it, struts it, and is capitalizing on it.

Which makes me wonder: If she has the looks and loves the attention, why didn’t she just cut the crap and go into modeling in the first place? Citibank? Really?

I don’t have all the details of the case, so I’m not going to say whether I think she has a true complaint or not. But it’s pretty plain she’s set on coming out of this thing with SOMETHING -- if not a nice chunk of change, then lots and lots of attention.

I’m surprised major movie studios haven’t been calling her yet.

She doesn’t have to know how to act. Taylor Swift proved that.

"Don't Push That Button, Cap'n!"

“Warp Factor Five, Scotty.”

Captain Kirk would throw out terms like “warp factor”, “photon torpedo” and other mind-blowing technological terms throughout the original Star Trek series.

Cool, right?

Problem is, while he wowed Trekkies in the height of his day, William Shatner has a dirty secret.

He didn’t know what the heck he was talking about.

In a recent interview, Bill confessed that modern technology is beyond his scope of comprehension. Twitter? Computer passwords? Forget it.

No wonder the crew of the Enterprise kept getting into so much trouble. Their captain didn’t have a clue. Apparently he had difficulty just sending an email back to Earth for a little help.

Can you picture this email?

“Subject: What Does This Button Do?”

Referring, of course, to the little “Send” button above the email he is so desperately trying to -- well, send.

Or maybe the Enterprise kept getting into so much trouble without much repercussion because Kirk’s inbox was stuffed full of orders to return to Earth ASAP for court martial, but he just didn’t have the savvy to figure out that “You’ve Got Mail” didn’t mean he had a backlog of letters waiting at the Post Office.

I dunno . . . I think even Spock would raise his eyebrows a little bit.

Speaking of whom, Leonard Nimoy is busy promoting technology left and right. Here are a couple of examples:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71meib_q0MY&feature=player_embedded#!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHso0wDMxqA&feature=player_embedded

Granted, Nimoy is just using a script, but still . . . He certainly has a grasp of Twitter, as opposed to Shatner’s expressed befuddlement regarding the concept. Here’s where you can find Nimoy on Twitter:

http://twitter.com/leonardnimoy

The point is, why was Kirk captain of the Enterprise while Spock was clearly more in tune to how actually run a computer?

I think it’s just another example of politics at work. It’s not WHAT you know . . . It’s WHO you know. Obviously Kirk knew all the right people to get him into command.

Spock? Well, he’s from another planet. Who’d trust a guy from another planet to fly a spaceship?

Chelsea Is Getting Married . . . WHEW!

Well, our favorite gal of the 90's is getting married.

And no, I do not refer to Gillian Anderson.

Wedding bells are ringing for Chelsea Clinton, who is getting married in New York to her boyfriend, Marc Mezvinsky.

A heartwarming thought . . .

I mean, WHEW! Now the suspense is over. I'm sure eligible men around the Clinton family circle were kind of keeping a low profile, hoping they wouldn't be selected as The One.

Marc has lifted the pall.

Think about it. Even though Chelsea had plastic surgery (a rumor neither confirmed nor denied, but kind of obvious based on "before and after" photos), she isn't exactly a runner-up for the next Miss America pageant.

Yeesh . . . .

Somebody got saddled with all Mom and Dad's distinctly unattractive features, and none of the attractive.

I have yet to find Billary's attractive features, but that's beside the point.

And speaking of Billary, who'd want either of them for in-laws?

Politics aside, that is.

Marc will soon have a crack-snorting father-in-law who has a notoriously difficult time keeping his reproductive urges in check.

His new mother-in-law is the Secretary of State! Holy buckets, man! What were you THINKING? You think having an everyday, average, common American mother-in-law can be tough? This is gonna be a treat.

Most mothers-in-law only THINK they run the country.

Marc, Marc, Marc . . .

Of course, we all know there's money involved. Marc is an investment banker for Goldman Sachs. He's also the son of two Congresspeople -- Edward Mezvinsky (a convicted scammer), and Marjorie Mezvinsky, former NBC reporter. Cha-ching for Chelsea!

And we also know that the Clintons are doing QUITE well for themselves. The Clintons reportedly made $109 million from 2000 to 2007. Moola for Marc!

Not a bad nest egg to marry into.

But still . . . assuming Marc is marrying for money (not a crazy assumption considering the money is the one good thing in the deal) . . .

Is having an ugly, snobbish wife, a power-hungry politician mother-in-law, and a drug-addicted sex machine father-in-law worth it?

Surely there were a few money moguls on Wall Street with eligible daughters with whom he could have tied the knot.

Heck, where was he when Carrie Underwood or Megan Fox were still available? They have money AND look better than Chelsea ever could!

But the good news is, young men in the Clinton social arena can breathe easy. The danger of Clinton talons sinking into them is over . . .

Until Marc and Chelsea split.

Which isn't entirely impossible.

Jessi Slaughter Wants An End To The Hate . . . And A Brain Slushy

So this little girl who goes by the online moniker of "Jessi Slaughter" is under fire.

Apparently some internet geeks singled her out by calling her nasty names and announcing that she'd been raped by a friend at a concert.

The latter assertion being false, of course.

And all 11-year-old Jessi wants to do is stop the hate.

So she makes a video and posts it on YouTube and other sites.

Does she use a little sugar to smooth it over, maybe plead with her online harassers to lay off?

"I'm happy with my life okay? And if you can't, like, realize that and stop hating you know what? I'll pop a Glock in your mouth and make a brain slushy. Because you hater b*****s? You're just, like, jealous of me. Stop hating on me. I'm just a normal girl who's perfect in every way and you're just jealous."

She then proceeded to flip off the camera.

She later told interviewers: "I just want it to kind of like turn positive," she said. "And I kind of do like the attention but I don't like so much negative attention."

Uh-huh.

Sounds like you're on the fast track for sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows, kiddo.

I mean, come on. Some people fight fires with water.

But GASOLINE?

Geez . . .

Maybe that lip piercing you're so proud of is interfering with a nerve to your brain.

So what were the results of that sweet little video?

Death threats! LOTS of them! Now Jessi is afraid to leave the house.

Imagine THAT!

You can just FEEL the love . . .

Later, Jessi created another video, this time breaking down for the webcam, detailing how her tormentors are ruining her life, barely coherent through the tears.

Just when you think this video might soften the hardest of hearts, Daddy comes to assist.

He gets on his knees so the cam will pick him up, and starts shouting.

He ends his tirade with the loving epithet of, "You lying little pr**ks!"

Thanks for the help, Dad.

Now the local cops have a detective stopping by Jessi's house to teach her how to properly and safely use the internet.

The words "barn door" and "horse" come to mind here for some reason . . . .

She's also getting trauma counseling.

Show of hands: How many people here think a good grounding (maybe loss of computer privileges) and a little discipline would be a good addition?

But what do I know.

I don't know what it's like to have a social network that's exclusively online.

The Rebellion Began In New York

Turns out it wasn't all that long ago, and the galaxy isn't so far away. So much for the hype.

As Princess Leia attempted to meet up with some Wall Street moguls in hopes of gaining financing for the Galactic Rebellion, she took the subway in an attempt to avoid attention.

Perhaps reading the "Galactic Rebellion For Dummies" book with the cover up where the whole car could read it wasn't the most subtle.

Who knows . . . maybe someone spotted her and called National Security.

Either way, the Empire got a tip and tracked her into the bowels of New York City.

I thought for certain the Princess would figure out what was happening when three guys dressed up like Motocross racers in full body armor entered the car.

She's got to be the most oblivious gal in the galaxy.

Even with stormtroopers leaning over her and all her fellow passengers in turmoil, Leia kept right on reading surefire tips on defeating an Evil Empire. I wonder if she'd even gotten to the "Be Aware Of Your Surroundings" chapter.

Anyway, next thing she knows, the stormtroopers are yanking her to her feet. Well, not so much "yanking" . . . she didn't even offer the slightest resistance.

At this point, I thought surely it was a trap she'd set up for the stormtroopers. I mean, no resistance whatsoever? What else could it be, right?

Then Darth Vader walked in at the Houston Street stop, and I know it was for real.

At least she gave the cover of being on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. But Vader obviously saw right through that one. Earth isn't anywhere along the way to Alderaan. Even your grade-school astronomy student knows that much.

Just when I thought the world had a chance, I realized that we're resting our hopes on some really bumbling people.

I think it's due to the crappy screenwriting. George Lucas really needs to work on that.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jT0fwWPM1Y

So What's With The Whale?

Hey, welcome to the Blurt Blog!

This is where I share a bunch of thoughts -- random stuff. You know, politics, music, YouTube, books, movies, you name it.

Except for Telletubbies. Telletubbies = off limits!

So my first thought?

Whales.

Yeah, whales.

You heard about that whale that jumped out of the water and landed on a sailboat, right?

Apparently some people have accused the couple on the boat of harassing the whale, and thus ticking it off.

Others insist the incident never happened, and the photo we saw all over the news was just some really good Photoshop finesse.

Well, if you watch the VIDEO (yes, there is a real video -- take that, Photoshop conspiracy theorists!), you’ll see the whale is a good hundred feet from the boat at the start.

How are you going to stand in a sailboat and harass a whale from a hundred feet away?

Seriously.

"HEY, YOU STUPID WHALE! YOUR MOM WEARS ARMY FLIPPERS!"

Maybe throw some rocks at it?

Wait, I know . . . They were using WHALE RACIAL SLURS!

What’s a derogatory term for a RIGHT WHALE? Rush Limbaugh?

Seriously, though, check out the photo at the top of the post. It's the picture of the whale “attacking” the boat.

Remove the boat, and what do you see?

A right whale. Breaching.

Like whales do -- ALL THE TIME.

Check it out:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://img.mailchimp.com/2008/10/30/044bce6a71/right_whale_pix.jpg&imgrefurl=http://us1.campaign-archive.com/%3Fu%3D946679e7fe51bbf81ce578cc1%26id%3Da6a12e2cab%26e%3D%255BUNIQID%255D&h=674&w=601&sz=64&tbnid=FUgkHWrTP59lGM:&tbnh=138&tbnw=123&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dright%2Bwhale%2Bbreaching%2Bphoto&hl=en&usg=__WSWStWgPWekU8aAfIkKzsMcFeZQ=&sa=X&ei=tKpNTPaTLNy1nAffnITYCw&ved=0CCcQ9QEwAw

But no -- the boaters couldn't possibly have been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

THEY WERE HARASSING THE WHALE!

Hello! Humans are inherently EVIL and STUPID and WANT to tick off something that weighs 40 TONS.

Give me a break.

Keep your shirt on, PETA.

Literally.

There are other dragons to slay.

Waitaminnit -- we gotta be nice to dragons, too?

Until next time, don’t annoy Rosie O’Donnell!

She could sink your boat.