General Rule Of Thumb: If You Want To Buy Pot, Don't Text The Sheriff

Picture this: You’re minding your own business on an otherwise normal day, and you get the following text --

hey dawg do u have a $20 i can buy rite now?

That’s what happened to Sheriff Leo Dutton of Lewis and Clark County in Montana.

A teenager, eager to get his experimental paws on some dope, had shot a text to (he thought) a pot-dealing buddy. Only one problem: He’d punched in a wrong digit and ended up texting the cops.

Oops.

Sheriff Dutton and a detective set up a meet with the teen and his equally experimental buddy at a local store. The kids turned up with one adult, who turned out to be the oblivious father to one of the boys.

The detective walked up to the boys and showed his badge.

One of the boys fainted on the spot.

No charges or fines came out of the matter once the parents of the two boys were made aware of the situation.

My question is, why wasn’t Dope-Dealin’ Dan on the boys’ speed dial?

Perhaps when you’re using dope, you are what you smoke.

Bristol -- Helping Sarah's Public Image

I’ve already made some snide remarks about a prominent Democrat’s daughter.

It’s only fair I move on to a prominent Republican’s daughter.

And who better to pick on than the daughter of the GOP’s sweetheart, Bristol Palin?

You probably heard of 19-year-old Bristol’s announcement that she was engaged (again) to her baby’s father, Levi Johnston. That announcement was made official on July 14.

You probably also heard of the engagement’s termination (again), also made official on July 14.

The media is lapping this one up. Love! Intrigue! Betrayal!

First Bristol made things a little awkward for her mom by getting pregnant at about the time the then-vice-presidential candidate was touting her convictions about teen abstinence.

Since then, Bristol has attempted to smooth the awkwardness over by getting engaged to Levi -- then breaking up with him -- then getting engaged to him again and breaking up with him again practically on the same day.

Wow.

Yeah, you’re really helping out your mom’s attempt to build a Mayberry RFD public image ahead of the 2012 elections.

Sarah Palin has some backpedaling to do.

First of all, if I were to give Sarah some advice, I would start by telling her to scrap the whole “perfect family” façade. It ain’t exactly working.

Second, I’d tell her to go for the “average, dysfunctional, drama-saturated, can’t-keep-a-commitment, my-teenage-daughter-is-pregnant American family” look. Reasons? One: That’s what the Palin household is. Just cut the crap and admit it. Two: If you want to identify with the average American family (i.e., potential voters), this is the way to do it. You’re walking their walk, you’re living their life.

But I suppose that would mean going for the “honest politician” look. That, of course, would be declaring to the American public that you’re full of it, since we all know there’s no such thing.

Yup, the Palin clan is in a bit of a tough spot.

All thanks to Bristol and her sound judgment regarding sex and relationships.

I wonder if somewhere about now, Sarah is swatting Bristol on the back of the head.

“Is there anything ELSE stupid you can do?”

Well . . . she could always become her mom’s publicist.

"Vote for my mom! She may not be able to make me toe the line, but she'll do a great job running an entire country!"

Oh yeah. I'm sold.