Stuffed In With The Stuffed Animals

Ever look at a stuffed animal and think, “Aaaaawww, it looks so CUTE! And so REAL!”

That’s what Bangkok security officers thought when scanning a suitcase full of stuffed animals boarding a plan to Iran.

I mean, the stuffed tiger had a skeleton and everything!

Upon closer examination, they found that the Tai woman who owned the luggage had sedated a two-month-old tiger cub and was trying to smuggle it out of the country among a slew of (other?) stuffed animals.

Oops. Guess she forgot about the miracle of the x-ray.

The woman has been arrested, presumably for kitty-napping (not to be confused with catnapping, which in most countries is still legal).

What was she thinking? Hadn’t she considered that an x-ray can pick up tigers as well as humans?

Sounds like she failed to Tai up the loose ends of her plan.

Sumos Get High-Tech

You’re huge, you’re obese, you make a rhino look tiny, and your livelihood depends on it.

What prevents you from integrating into the modern technological world?

Big fingers.

Why? You can’t text.

This is bad. Really bad.

So what do you do?

Get your boss to give you an iPad, of course.

Such is the dilemma (and resulting solution) rocking the ranks of the Japan Sumo Association. Sumo wrestlers have a tough time punching the tiny keys on cell phones, their chubby fingers tending to hit multiple keys at once.

In order to improve communication among the wrestlers and JSA officials, sumo wrestlers are being issued the latest iFad -- the iPad.

Oversized touch screen keys on the iPad will allow sumos to develop texter’s thumb just like the members of the not-so-grotesquely-sized world.

Previously to this, sumos were restricted to the primitive means of communication known as fax, email, and telephone (talking into telephones, that is).

But now sumos can fit into society once again.

“ROTFL -- and trying to figure out how to get back up.”

Poor, Persecuted, Mature Lindsey Lohan

Dina Lohan, Lindsey Lohan's mom, is angry.

Lindsey doesn't deserve the 90 days of jail time mandated by a judge.

Lindsey has matured. She's grown up. All the negative stuff we've heard about her is sensationalized trash.

Dina insists that Lindsey has matured since her youthful indiscretions, and doesn't deserve the results of her latest run-in with the law.

Okay. Let's assume the two-time-DUI Lindsey has indeed grown up.

Remind me why she got a 90-day jail sentence (of which, I might add, she only served 13)?

And why does she have to undergo rehab, as per court mandate?

Oh yeah. That's right.

DRUGS.

Most people wouldn't call going from DUI's to drug rehab a sign of maturity.

They'd call it something like escalation. Or maybe a worsening of symptoms. Folks who do this stuff are generally considered individuals of poor judgment, at the very least.

But Dina knows Lindsey is an exception. Lindsey is a responsible adult -- a misunderstood, persecuted, responsible adult haphazardly and evilly singled out by the media for no apparent reason.

Of course, unbiased observers such as you and me knew that already.

Gimme My Nuggets!

This video doesn't need much explanation.

Police in Toledo recently released this security footage, much to the hilarity of all who saw it.

Apparently this nutjob REALLY likes her McNuggets.

She went to McDonalds early in the morning when the breakfast menu was the only thing going. She drove right up to the drive-thru window demanding McNuggets NOW.

She was told, too bad. McNuggets wouldn't be served until closer to lunchtime.

Melodi Dushane went berserk, as you can see above.

I've heard of people flipping out because they couldn't get a drug fix, or losing their cool because they REALLY needed that cigarette and couldn't have it -- but THIS is definitely a close competitor for the most loony withdrawal rage I've ever seen.

Oh well. Maybe she'll get all the McNuggets she wants while she serves her two-month jail sentence.

A Little Bit Of Fame Can Be Way Too Much

Steve Holmes, England, kinda likes rap artist Kanye West.

When Kanye joined Twitter, Holmes was among the 461,000-odd people who began following him.

Kanye randomly chose just one person to follow on Twitter -- Steve Holmes.

Pretty cool, huh? I mean, how many everyday, average Joes end up with a celebrity following them on Twitter?

Holmes geeked out.

And then the nightmare began.

Holmes’ number of Twitter followers spiked to over 6,000. News media inundated Holmes, asking for interviews. Wannabe artists flooded Holmes’ email inbox with questions for Kanye West, even sending music samples for critique and/or sponsorship. One person sent Holmes a music video.

Holmes is overwhelmed and regretting that he even heard of Kanye West. As he said himself, he doesn’t even like the guy all that much.

Who would, especially after Kanye’s antics at the VMA’s, when he deliberately stole Taylor Swift’s thunder? (Just Google “Kanye West Taylor Swift” for the full story.)

Okay, so what are these people thinking? Put yourself in the shoes of a TV or newspaper or magazine interviewer. There’s only so much juice you can squeeze out of this story. Ordinary guy being followed on Twitter by Kanye West. That’s it. Big deal.

And who in their right mind thinks ordinary, average guy Steve Holmes is going to have any influence over Kanye West? “Here, check out this music from somebody I don’t know and let him know, through me, what you think.”

Yeah. I don’t think Kanye would bother.

This kind of mentality is actually a little screwed up. One ordinary guy gets a tenuous connection to a celebrity (and not exactly a role model celebrity at that), and suddenly ordinary guy becomes flooded with attention.

He doesn’t KNOW Kanye West. Hasn’t worked with him, spoken with him to any extent, didn’t even grow up in the same country as Kanye West. Yet everyone wants their piece of Steve Holmes’ nebulous pie.

Don’t people have anything better to do?

Apparently not.

Holmes has since turned off the Twitter app on his phone, seeking peace from the brouhaha. “I really have no desire for this attention . . . Surprisingly not everyone wants to be famous,” he tweeted.

Fame is a disease, apparently.

My question is: If you really don’t want this attention, why don’t you just cut all ties with Kanye West? Get rid of the source of the problem, and the problem disappears.

Maybe having a rapper follow you on Twitter is worth the annoyance after all?